how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
