Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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