Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Barsexuality is the new black.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
