Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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