It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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