i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
