I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
zippers are such a cool invention
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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