I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
