I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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