people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
