I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
