Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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