a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
