member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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