About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Shame - the story of my life.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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