just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
