i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
