You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
