Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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