So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
