1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
