My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
