I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
