how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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