Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
