she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My ATM looks so different sober.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
