So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
