I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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