oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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