He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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