I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
