Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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