I feel like abortions should bother me more
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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