this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
