Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
