i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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