hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
