I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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