eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
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The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
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How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize