sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
