I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Less talking, more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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