well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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