maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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