he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
