the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Oh god it's open bar.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
