dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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