Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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