i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize