the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
