I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
