There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
