I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
