We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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