I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
