So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
