I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
