When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
