wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
