none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
