my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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