is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
How did I end up in the pool?!
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BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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