I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
