she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
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Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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