Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
