your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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