i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
