How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
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We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
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Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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