We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
