Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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