I'm lost and stupid without you.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
