also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
