kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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