I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
