Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
