Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
