i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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