I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
