you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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