I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
