i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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