I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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