I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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