there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
