i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
