It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
