We're facebook friends in real life
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
