The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's never too late to be topless.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
