Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
